Queen Relena and the Beautiful Bishonen
by FormerlyKnownAsRin
Summary: Relena kidnaps Heero for her harem. Based on Veggie Tale's King George and the Rubber Ducky. (shonen ai)


"Queen Relena and the Beautiful Bishounen..."  
  
Author: Rin  
Category: Anime : Gundam Wing  
Censor: PG due to some minor language/violence.   
  
WARNINGS: Shounen-ai. If you don't like shounen-ai,  
then I suggest you don't read it! Pairings: 1x2/ 2x1,  
3x4 /4x3. Relena bashing!  
  
Note: This is a piece of fluff for my friends and my  
enjoyment, if you find it funny... well I guess it for  
your enjoyment too. Based on the Veggie Tales video.  
"King George and the Rubber Ducky", using characters  
from GW. I did make some....alterations.... to the  
plot and the lyrics.  
Comments welcome, however any flames will be read,  
laughed at, and whapped to death with a shovel!  
  
Disclaimer: The characters from Gundam Wing and Veggie  
Tales are not mine! I'm not getting anything for this,  
other than my own enjoyment. Please don't sue me, I'm  
just a student, and I have NO MONEY! None!  
  
***  
  
*The camera pans into a scene with a beautiful castle  
sitting on top of a mountain*  
  
Narrator: Once upon a time, there lived a Queen. Like  
other queens, she had a really neat castle to live in  
and a lovely little kingdom to rule....but unlike  
other Queen's this queen spent most of her time....  
  
*camera zooms in on the castle, coming to rest on a  
young man with blond hair, standing hesitantly outside  
a large door*  
  
Quatre: *sighs*....With her harem.  
  
*Quatre is blushing a furious shade of red as he waits  
outside the harem door.*  
  
Quatre: *taps on the door* Uh your highness?  
  
*Muffled moans of pleasure can be heard from inside.*  
  
Quatre: *blood begins to drip out of his nose* Oh no!  
*runs off to find Kleenex*  
  
*A few moments later, he returns to the harem door,  
and taps quietly upon the surface* Ma'am?  
  
Relena: Some queens love jewels, and some queens love  
dresses! Some queens love wasting time gabbing with  
princesses... but me I'm not like that, I find that  
stuff.. boring! I'd much rather stay in my bed while  
I'm....scoring! *giggles at her own humour*  
  
Quatre: *chokes* Your highness!  
  
*The door flies open, momentarily crushing an  
unsuspecting Quatre to the wall*  
  
Relena: *breaks into song* Because I love my  
Bishounen!  
  
Quatre: *cringes* Ma'am if I could have a minute....  
  
Relena: Love my Bishounen!  
  
Quatre: .*sweatdrops* ..there are some things we must  
discuss!  
  
Relena: I love my Bishounen! *disappears behind a  
screen to change*  
  
Quatre: See, there's a war, and, well...we're in it!  
  
Relena: Love my Bishounen!  
  
Quatre: Though I don't mean to make a fuss...  
  
Relena: *glares at Quatre from the edge of the screen*  
Then don't!!!! *disappears behind the screen again*  
  
Quatre: Eep!  
  
Relena: Sing with me Quatre...  
  
Quatre: Uh...I can't sing....  
  
Relena: SING with me Quatre!  
  
Quatre: Oh....okay. *clears his throat* Because she  
loves her Bishounen..  
  
Relena: *emerges from behind the screen in a hideous,  
puffy, pink dress* And that is why I can't be  
bothered...  
  
Quatre: *looking ill* Loves her Bishounen...  
  
Relena: ...with the particulars of war...  
  
Quatre: She loves her Bishounen..  
  
Relena: ..'cause quite unlike my dear old father...  
  
*camera angle changes to a view of a portrait of  
foreign minister Dorlan hanging on the wall*  
  
Quatre: *near tears* She loves her Bishounen..  
  
Relena: I find it all a bore! *grabs Quatre by the  
shoulders* Now concentrate dear Quatre, and I think  
you will agree...  
  
Quatre: *stares at her blankly*  
  
Relena:..the most important person in the whole wide  
world is...  
  
Quatre: *waits expectantly*  
  
Relena: ME!  
  
Quatre: *facefaults*  
  
Relena: So please don't drag me down with all the  
people and their moan'en, go fluff the pillows on my  
bed....and fetch me my Bi-shoooooouuuu-nen!  
  
Quatre: Uh, you have over 250 of them. Oh boy...  
  
Relena: *ignores him* Because I love my Bishounen!  
  
Quatre: *sighs* I don't know why I even bother..  
  
Relena: Love my Bishounen...  
  
Quatre: ..you just can't reason with this gal..  
  
Both: Because I (she) love (loves) my (her) Bishounen!  
  
Quatre: Oh yes, undoubtably we're stuck!  
  
Relena: So let my Bishounen run amok....  
  
Quatre: Oh boy we're really out of luck...  
  
Relena: Because I love my- *stops singing as she  
notices something off in the distance.*  
  
Relena: Gimme a quarter...  
  
*Quatre fishes around in his pocket and pulls out a  
quarter, which he hands to the Queen*  
  
*Relena pops the quarter into a distance viewer.*  
  
*A young man, dressed in a green tank top and black  
shorts is standing on the balcony of an apartment  
building, reaching over railing, lovingly polishing  
his Gundam. Relena's eyes widen. A young man dressed  
in black, his long hair tied in a braid down his back  
emerges from the balcony door and joins the other  
young man on the balcony. The braided youth wraps his  
arms around the other boy, who drops the rag he was  
holding, and turns his attention to his lover.*  
  
Duo: Are you coming in soon?  
  
Heero: I'm almost done...  
  
Duo: *whispers softly into Heero's ear*  
  
Heero: *blinks, then smiles.*  
  
*The two disappear back inside the apartment building*  
  
---  
Relena: It's beautiful....I want it.  
  
Quatre: *in confusion* What the Gundam?  
  
Relena: *shakes her head* No, the pilot!  
  
Relena: I must have him! I must get him! *points her  
finger at Quatre* YOU must go and get Him for me! If  
you want me to be happy then you'll show me you adore  
me! *grabs Quatre by his shirt collar*  
  
Quatre: *eyes widen in terror*  
  
Relena: Don't rest another minute till he's sitting  
here before me!!!  
  
Quatre: *mumbles*  
  
Relena: If you want to do your best, I would suggest  
you go and bring me back that boy!!!  
  
Quatre: You already have quite a large group of  
Bishounen!  
  
Relena: Those are YESTERDAY'S Bishounen!  
  
Quatre: Many of your subjects would be happy to have  
even one Bishounen this nice..  
  
Relena: *glares* What are you saying?! Are you saying  
I shouldn't have whatever I want!??  
  
Quatre: *trembles* Uh....  
  
*Music starts again. Quatre looks around wildly for  
the source of the music*  
  
Relena: I don't like them! *points to the Bishounen  
standing around* I don't need them! I don't want them  
any longer!  
  
Bishounen: *eyes well up with tears*  
  
Relena: My affection for those Bishounen isn't getting  
any stronger!  
  
Bishounen: *start crying*  
  
Relena: To say I can't have what I want, you couldn't  
be more wronger! Don't ask me to explain, there will  
be pain if you don't bring my back that boy! Our  
conversation, is over!  
  
Quatre: *handing out Kleenex to the crying Bishounen*  
Did you say, wronger?  
  
Relena: *scowls* I don't know...perhaps.  
  
Quatre: Uh, it's more wrong, not more wronger!  
  
Relena: *snarls* It had to rhyme! Don't be correcting  
a Queen's grammar! *throws a pillow at Quatre* NOW GO  
AND GET THAT BISHOUNEN!!!  
  
Quatre: You can't just go and take Duo's boyfriend  
like that!  
  
Relena: Why not?  
  
Quatre: Well, *mumbles* besides from the obvious fact  
that he likes boys!!!...  
  
Relena: What was that?  
  
Quatre: Nothing! He'll tell people, and then everyone  
will think you'll come and take their boyfriends...you  
can't run a kingdom like that!  
  
Relena: Oh, all right...  
  
Quatre: *sighs with relief*  
  
Relena: Well, we'll just have to do something about  
Duo then!  
  
Quatre: WHAT?!?!?  
  
  
*A knock on the door. The door opens to reveal Wufei  
dressed in armour.*  
  
Relena: Ah, Wufei, my loyal general.  
  
Wufei: *looks ill at her use of the world loyal* As  
Quatre has surely told you, the mobile suit wars have  
gotten worse.  
  
Relena: Quatre didn't tell me that...  
  
Quatre: I was TRYING to! You wouldn't come out of the-  
  
Wufei: *clears his throat* We need more men at the  
front.  
  
Relena: More men, eh? I'm sure Duo would like to  
help...  
  
Quatre: *looks horrified*  
  
Wufei: *shocked* Duo? He's rather small...  
  
Relena: He's surprisingly strong for his size...  
  
Wufei: But he'll be....killed.  
  
Relena: *mumbles* That's the idea... I mean, *clears  
her throat* Your Queen has spoken.  
  
Wufei: As you wish...*mumbles* Stupid onna! *leaves*  
  
Relena: Meet me in the village after dark....we have  
some work to do!  
  
Quatre: *looks like he's going to cry.* I don't wanna  
do this!  
  
Relena: Then YOU can go fight!!!  
  
Quatre: *whimpers*  
  
*scene darkens*  
---  
  
Narrator: And now, it's time for silly songs with  
Treize...the part of the show where Treize comes out  
and sings, a silly song.  
  
*Treize is sitting on a couch, in front of a t.v. He  
is clutching tightly to a small Zechs plushie. A bowl  
of popcorn sits beside him. His eyes are fixed on the  
screen where he watches Zechs and Noin fighting  
unbeknownst to them that there is a hidden camera in  
their room, recording everything.*  
  
Treize: *breaks into song* Zechs Marquis....  
  
Back-up-singers: Zechs Marquis...Zechs Marquis....  
  
Treize: You are the one for me....  
  
B-U-S: one for me....one for me....one for me....  
  
Treize: Sent from up above...you are the one I  
love....  
  
B-U-S: la la la la la....  
Noin: Please don't cry Zech Marquis, you're a nice guy  
you see....You've been so good to me, but I must go  
into the world, and do noble things for the good of  
all....and you can't come because you don't speak  
French...aurevoir!  
  
Zechs: But if you leave Noin, who will take me to the  
ball? Who's going to take me to the ball Noin? I have  
new pants, and shoes, and a new mask...who will take  
me to the ball!  
  
Treize: I'll take you to the ball Zechs!!!  
  
Zechs: Please don't go-  
  
Noin: -I must-  
  
Zechs:-don't go-  
  
Noin: -must! Must!  
  
*music starts again*  
  
Treize: Zechs Marquis...  
  
Back-up-singers: Zechs Marquis...Zechs Marquis....  
  
Treize: I'll be your mon ami....  
  
B-U-S: mon ami...mon ami...mon ami...  
  
Treize: I'll take you to the ball, I hope you're not  
too tall....  
  
B-U-S: You might have trouble dancing!  
  
*Treize begins to Tango with the Zechs plushie*  
  
Zechs: Now I've learned French!  
  
Noin: You have?  
  
Zechs: May oui...je suis Zechs Marquis, see?  
  
Noin: Oui oui mon ami....I always knew you could, I  
really hoped you would. Now can we go into the world  
and do noble things for the good of all?  
  
Zechs: Yes, but first Noin, will you take me to the  
ball? Noin, will you take me to the ball?  
  
*Treize waits, holding his breath*  
  
Noin: I can't dance...  
  
Zechs: You can't?  
  
Noin: No.  
  
Zechs: I must go!  
  
Noin: Please don't !  
  
Zechs: I must!  
  
Noin: Don't!  
  
Zechs: Must! Must!  
  
Treize: *leaps onto the couch, dancing with his  
plushie.* Zechs Marquis, you are the one for m- *the  
door of the room flies open. Lady Une appears,  
standing in the doorway*  
  
*Treize freezes*  
  
Lady Une: Treize-sama...what are you doing?  
  
Treize: Uh..nothing, Lady Une....just watching a  
little t.v...?  
  
Lady Une: Maybe you should...read a book.  
  
Treize: Uh...yeah. *sweatdrop*  
  
Narrator: This has been silly songs with Treize...tune  
in next time to hear Noin say: "Zechs, I've learned to  
dance..."  
---  
  
*Relena is waiting for Quatre outside Heero and Duo's  
apartment. She is wearing a phony nose with a  
moustache.*  
  
Relena: Follow me, and try to act..inconspicuous!  
  
Quatre: *rolls his eyes*  
  
*The two sneak into the apartment building, where they  
find Heero typing away at his laptop computer. Relena  
reaches into one of the sleeves of her wretched pink  
gown, and pulls out a frying pan, and hits him over  
the head. Heero slumps to the table.*  
  
Relena: Lets go! *she quickly binds his hands and feet  
and gags him. She hands the unconscious Bishounen to  
Quatre, and the two return to the palace*  
  
*in her bedroom, Relena examines Heero*  
  
Relena: Oh yes. Now, now, now I'm happy!  
  
Quatre: He looks just like your other Bishounen.  
  
Relena: Bite your tongue infidel. he is the most  
perfect bishounen the world has ever known...  
it's time for a-  
  
Quatre: *blushes crimson*  
  
Relena: *glares* A nap!  
  
*a knock at the door. Relena pushes Heero into a  
closet.*  
  
Relena: Come in!  
  
*Wufei enters, supporting Duo*  
  
Relena: AH, Duo...back..so soon?  
  
Wufei: We won your highness! This brave fellow single  
handedly stopped the advancing horde!  
  
Relena:...uh..that's great!  
  
Duo: *lunges forward* Incoming, hit the deck! *throws  
himself to the floor*  
  
Relena: Uh, excuse me?  
  
Wufei: I'm afraid he's lost his mind majesty, the  
traumas of war...  
  
Duo: *speaking to thin air* This is so NOT cool.  
*collapses into unconsciousness*  
  
Relena: Well, we will give him the highest honour in  
the kingdom.  
  
Wufei: I'm sure if he were conscious he'd thank you.  
I'll take him to his rooms now....stupid, stupid  
onna....  
  
*leaves*  
  
Relena: Now...  
  
Quatre: I feel awful...  
  
Relena: Oh, don't worry..*giggles* I still have time  
for my nap!  
  
Quatre: *angrily* Are you the only one you think  
about?!?  
  
Relena: No, I've been thinking about Heero here for  
quite some time now...now how about that nap?  
  
*a knock on the door*  
  
Relena: Come in!  
  
* a hooded stranger enters*  
  
Relena: Who are you?  
  
*The stranger pulls back his hood to reveal brown  
hair, and long bangs which fall over one of his eyes.  
The other eye is green.*  
  
*Quatre grins, recognizing the boy.*  
  
Stranger: You remember me, I am Trowa...that slightly  
odd wise man, who shows up every so often, to tell you  
things. *winks at Quatre, who blushes.*  
  
Relena: *blinks*Ah, yes. Well, what is it?  
  
Trowa: I have to tell you a little story.  
  
Relena: I'm busy. Come back at bedtime.  
  
Trowa: ... It's important!  
  
Relena: Oh.  
  
Quatre: Whats that?  
  
Trowa: *setting up* It's a flannel graph..to help  
demonstrate!  
  
Relena/Quatre: Oooooh! Flannel graph!  
  
Trowa: There once was a girl, a very rich girl...*a  
girl who looks suspiciously like Relena appears on the  
flannel graph.* she had a lot of money, she had a lot  
of pearls...She had a of lovers, she was bleached and  
she was curled...yes there once was a very rich girl.  
  
Relena: *looking bored* Great story.... well-  
  
Trowa: *glares* Wait just a minute, my story isn't  
done...it's about two people, and I've only mentioned  
one!  
  
Relena: Oh.  
  
Trowa: There once was a boy, a very poor boy...He had  
next to nothing, didn't have many toys...*a tiny  
picture of a familiar looking brown haired young man,  
with a long braid appears on the flannel graph* But he  
loved his lover very much, *a tiny picture of a  
familiar looking brown haired young man, complete with  
scowl appears on the flannel graph*and he gave him  
lots of joy, yes there once was a very poor boy.  
  
Trowa: Then one day, there was a guest at the house of  
the rich girl.....* a girl who bears a resemblance to  
Dorothy appears on the flannel graph*.....what did she  
do, have you guessed, to "please" the guest of the  
rich girl?  
  
Relena: Well, she had lots of lovers, so she could  
just share one on hers....no problem.  
  
Trowa: *shakes his head* She took the lover of the  
poor boy.  
  
Relena: *blinks*  
  
Trowa: She took the lover of the poor boy...the rich  
girl took, to please her guest....the very, very, poor  
boy's lover...  
  
Quatre: *blows his nose* That was so sad...  
  
Relena: Is this a true story? I'm proud of that girl!  
  
Trowa: *shakes his head in disgust* Oh Queen  
Relena....  
  
Quatre: *looks ill*  
  
Trowa: Well, I tried....Nothing to be done for it now!  
*folds up the flannel graph, then turns back towards  
Relena smiling smugly.*  
  
Relena: *yawns* Great story.  
  
Trowa: *takes the folded flannel graph and hits her  
over the head with it. Relena slumps to the floor,  
unconscious.*  
  
Quatre: Woah! That was great! What do we do now?  
  
Trowa: Now, we go untie poor Heero.  
---  
  
*Moments later, the Trowa is removing the binding from  
Heero's wrists, as Quatre takes the gag from his  
mouth*  
  
Quatre: Are you okay?  
  
Heero: *nods* Where's Duo?  
  
*Trowa and Quatre exchange a glance* Well....  
  
*Duo is sitting on a couch, mumbling incoherently.  
Every now and then a word becomes reconizable....*  
Stupid...lame way to die.....  
  
*Heero rushes to his lover's side*  
  
Quatre: What now?  
  
Trowa: *thinks for a moment, then his eyes light up.*  
I have an idea.  
  
---  
*Heero, following Trowa's instructions, has carried  
Duo into Relena's harem room. All the Bishounen have  
been freed, and are now elsewhere. Heero places Duo on  
the bed and speaks softly to him*  
  
Trowa: *smiles in satisfaction* Yes, that should do  
it! *gently pulls Quatre from the room, and shuts the  
heavy door behind them*  
  
Quatre: How will that help?  
  
Trowa: *whispers in Quatre's ear*  
  
Quatre. *blushes scarlet* OH! Oh....well...what should  
we do in the meantime?  
  
Trowa: *grins, then whispers something else*  
  
Quatre: *chokes* REALLY?!?!?!  
  
Trowa: *grabs Quatre's hand, and pulls him out of the  
room*  
  
---  
  
3 hours later....  
  
*Duo is recovered, holding tightly to Heero's hand, as  
Quatre and Trowa explain to the pair all that has  
occurred. Heero has to be restrained on numerous  
occasions, so as not to kill Relena. Relena herself,  
has been bound and gagged so she cannot talk. She  
glares at the group.*  
  
Trowa:...so we figured that you'd recover and well,  
here we are.  
  
Duo: *nods* Okay..so now what?  
  
Trowa: So, queen Relena, what'd you learn today?  
  
Duo: What she learn? Today she learned...  
  
*music starts*  
  
Duo: that being selfish,  
  
Quatre, Heero and Trowa: selfish...ooooohhh  
  
Duo: ..it doesn't pay...she tried it...  
  
QHT: ..she tried it...  
  
Duo: ..just the other day...she wanted to be happy,  
she thought it was the way, but it weren't!  
*kicks Relena*  
  
Quatre: I think you mean, 'wasn't' it wasn't the way..  
  
Duo: Well, now she knows just what to do, before she  
thinks about herself she'd better think about you...so  
send the message out to every boy and girl, there's no  
better way to make a really yucky world...Than being  
selfish...  
  
QHT: selfish...ooohh....  
  
Duo: it doesn't pay...she tried it...  
  
QHT: ..she tried it...  
  
Duo: ..just the other day...she wanted to be happy,  
she thought it was the way, but it weren't!  
*Heero kicks Relena*  
  
QHT: ...weren't weren't weren't weren't...*everyone  
kicks Relena.*  
  
Duo: No it weren't... *Trowa kicks Relena*  
  
HT: ...weren't *kick*  
  
Quatre: wasn't...  
  
HT: weren't ..*kick*  
  
Quatre: wasn't!  
  
HT: weren't ...*kick*  
  
Quatre: was not!  
  
HT: weren't...*kick*  
  
Quatre: WASN'T!  
  
The end!  
  
  



End file.
